Not So Alone
by Angel St. Mathew
Summary: I'm not quite sure how to summarize this without giving anything away whats to come in the next(and last) chapter. Helga has mixed feelings about herself and her family, and goes for a walk despite the rain...Please let me know what you guys think.
1. Walking in the Rain

A/N: Just to let you know, I have the second (and last) chapter to this already typed, but I don't have time to post it now because it's on my computer upstairs, which doesn't have internet access(grrrrr….) so you can read with the assurance that I won't keep you waiting for long. Let me know what you think of this, and if you'd like, read some of my other stuff. I'd like to know what people think…

Not So Alone

By Angela St. Mathew

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

_And in our lives_

_There's an orchestra of things_

_Both major and minor keys_

_But love will always sing..._

_                               --LaRue_

Helga Pataki stared up at her mirror with a blank expression. 

_Am I really that ugly?_ She couldn't help but think.

She'd been staring at the mirror for the last half hour just taking in her appearance. Her one eyebrow glowered back at her, and she'd reached for a pair of tweezers, but couldn't decide whether to actually fix it or not. Creating two eyebrows instead of one would make her look alot like Olga, but then, keeping the unibrow made her look like her dad. 

She then moved to the odd place of her ears. Of course, there was nothing she could do about that, or her nose, which she curled up just looking at it. And her eyes were dark blue, distasteful, almost like hollow little holes that revealed her empty soul. 

Yes, it wasn't just her outward appearance that made her ugly. For some reason, on that particular night, she felt so utterly lost inside. Not even writing about her beloved, Taco-headed dreamboat in her many pink journals could ease the aching pain in her stomach. She _was_ fifteen, after all. Maybe it was time to move on?

_Yeah right, _she scowled at the blond girl in the mirror. _If only it were that easy._

Helga decided to go see if Mariam had made anything for dinner, not wanting to look at her reflection or think about how ugly it was anymore.

As she walked out of her room, she faced the wall of the hallway that she was forced to face every time she entered or exited her room. It was lined with pictures of her family. Her parents wedding day, with her mom and dad at the altar smiling lovingly at each other. It was a smile Helga had never had the chance to see. 

Olga seemed to see it all the time whenever she was home, either because she was completely naive or Helga's presence made their smiles disappear, because it never seemed to happen when she was around. 

More pictures or her parents, her parents and Olga, Olga and Big Bob at a piano recital. Helga guessed that Mariam had been taking the picture. There was a picture of their whole family, which was the only one that eased Helga's spirit slightly, because the photographer had been lighthearted and funny, a practical joker. It was easy for him to make Mariam and Olga laugh, and eventually Helga, too. With Bob, it had taken a little longer, with him muttering about an important meeting he had to get to. But the picture had captured something Helga only imagined. A normal, happy family. She called this picture the Family Facade. 

Helga was in one other picture on that wall. It was with her and Olga at the beach when they were younger. Olga was smiling sweetly at the camera, and Helga was off to the side crying because she had sand in her eyes. 

Helga remembered that day. Her dad had told her to suck it up and stop being such a baby, even though she was only four. Her eyes had been red and sore for days after that, but no one had seemed to notice, or care. 

Well, almost no one.

The sides of Helga's mouth curved in the weakest of smiles at that memory. 

_Four year old Helga Pataki squinted in the bright sunlight, making sure she could see so she wouldn't get hit by the ball. All the kindergarteners were playing on the playground, and she was playing catch with a couple other kids with a big, dark green bounce ball._

_There was still a fog in her eyes which still had traces of red and puffiness to them, but no one had noticed. Or so she thought. _

_Suddenly there was something large and green right in front of her, but she only saw it for a split second before there was a sharp pain in her face and she flew backwards into the cement, hitting the back of her head in the process. _

_A couple of the kids gasped, but most of them laughed, and one in particular was calling her names relating to being dumb or blind._

_The pain in her face and the back of her head was unbearable, as it would be to someone her age, not to mention her eyes hurting from trying to focus all day. She could feel tears starting to surface, but she forced them back defiantly. _

_"Are you ok, Helga?"_

_That voice. _

_That sweet, angelic voice was suddenly beside her, full of overwhelming concern even for a five year old. _

_"Just leave me alone". She muttered, preparing to stand, but she felt his hands on her arm, helping her up. Then she heard him address the other. _

_"Stop it, you guys. She hit her head, leave her alone". _

_Helga could feel more tears, but blinked them away. She saw through blurry vision that most of the kids were now going back to whatever they'd been doing. But __Arnold__ still stood there._

_"What's wrong with your eyes?" He asked innocently. _

_"Nothing"._

_"Did you get soap in them?"_

_Helga sniffled. She knew she wouldn't be able to hide the tears much longer._

_Arnold__ could see this clearly. He may have been a little dense, but some things were just plain obvious. He motioned for her to follow him and took her behind the dumpster, where no one else could see them. _

_"What are you doing, football head?" She scowled, but it didn't show in her voice as much as she wanted it to. _

_"You can cry here, no one's watching". _

_Helga stared at him, to the best of her ability, anyway, as if he'd just looked at one of her personal picture books. This was before she could write in her pink journals. _

_"It's ok, Helga. I won't laugh". _

_But there was already a tear sliding down her cheek. She wiped it away. _

_Arnold__ sat down and pulled on her hand to get her to sit down next to him in their little hideaway. _

_"My grandma says," He started almost conversationally, "that when I get soap in my eyes, it's ok to cry, because that makes all the soap go away"._

_Another tear escaped and made a streak along the side of her face._

_"Sand".__ She said._

_"What?"_

_"I have sand in my eyes...we went to the beach on Saturday..."_

_Now she'd done it. Now she was crying outright, but quietly. She reached a hand up to her face, and found that there was a small bruise where the ball had hit her. But that didn't hurt nearly as much as the back of her head. _

_She reached back to touch there, but was stopped when __Arnold__ took hold of her wrist gently and pulled it back. _

_"Don't touch it," he said, "it'll hurt more". _

_"But it already hurts". She whimpered, blinking fiercely now from the mixture of tears and tiny grains of sand. _

_"Want to go to the nurse?"_

_She shook her head. Play time wasn't over yet, there was no way she could face anyone like this. She wasn't even sure how she'd been able to face __Arnold__ while crying like this. _

_"Want me to make it all better?"_

_She looked at him strangely, but nodded. Arnold scooted closer to her and turned her head slightly, leaning up and kissing the back of her head where he'd seen her hit it on the concrete. Then he turned her head back toward him, not noticing the completely dumbfounded expression on the five-year-olds face, and kissed her bruised forehead. _

_Then he grinned at her with that adorable, toothy smile of his. _

_"All better". He announced triumphantly. _

_Helga blinked a few more times, her vision becoming clearer with each new tear. Arnold had been right, crying did make the sand go away. _

_But when she didn't smile at him, a worried expression crossed his face. _

_"Didn't it help?" He was sure it would have. Grandma's kisses always made him feel better. When she nodded slightly, another smile split his face. _

_Helga wiped the tears away from her cheeks, afraid that if she didn't get rid of the evidence now, the bell would ring and she'd be forced to face everyone the way she was. _

_"Want to go play now?"_

Helga continued on down the stairs of her house, the memory slipping from her mind once again as she stepped into the downstairs hallway and walked toward the kitchen. Mariam was, of course, asleep on the kitchen table again. A quick once over of the kitchen told Helga that he mother had at one time been getting ready to prepare dinner, but her smoothies had once again decided to catch up with her.

"Mom?" Helga spoke quietly, but her mother only moaned in a way that said she didn't want to be disturbed, turned her head the other way, and was gone again.

Helga sighed and walked into the living room where she found Big Bob snuggled comfortably in his recliner, flipping through the TV channels, trying to find the latest commercial he'd paid for. 

"Uh, Dad-"  
"What?!" 

Helga's heart jumped slightly at her father's angered grunt. She hadn't really expected him to respond to the first attempt. A couple seconds later, when she hadn't said anything yet, she was caught by surprise again. 

"Well, whadda ya want, girl!!?" He yelled, his voice booming throughout the room, his patience having obviously been drained hours ago.

"N-nothing". Helga stammered, backing out of the doorway. In truth, she wasn't sure what she'd wanted him for. Maybe she'd grown so used to the goal being to simply get his attention that she was no longer sure why she'd ever wanted his attention in the first place. 

"Fine, beat it". He grumbled, setting his attention back to the TV, even though he hadn't really taken it off the tube while barking at his daughter. 

Helga turned the knob of the front door and walked outside, seemingly oblivious to the lightly falling rain. It was September, so it was a little cold, but she didn't bother grabbing a jacket off of the rack. The only one she had that wasn't a hand-me-down from Olga was up in her room, and she didn't feel like climbing all the way up the stairs to get it. 

She walked down the sidewalk with no real destination. 

Her parents weren't always like this, of course. She knew they loved her, maybe not as much as Olga, but they still loved her. It just seemed that, very often, they didn't really _like_ her very much. 

As Helga dwelled on thoughts of her family, her feet eventually carried her to the park, and walking like she was on autopilot, she made her way toward the swings and planted herself there. It didn't matter that the seat was wet, so was she, and her legs were tired, so she didn't care where she sat.

The sun was setting, even though the rain clouds already made the sky dark. The rain itself was growing thicker, almost to the point of pouring in sheets, but not quite. Helga didn't care, it actually felt good. 

_Could stand to be a little warmer,_ she thought absently. 

As she let her mind drift aimlessly, a song popped into her head. It was one she'd heard playing at a grocery store while picking up some things for Mariam.

...And it's ok to cry

And it's ok to wonder why

And as you're tears fall down

They heal the ground

A place that once was dry

And it's ok to cry...

That was all of the song that she could remember, because it was all she'd been able to hear clearly other than bits and pieces through the other noises that surrounded her in the grocery store. There were two people singing in the song, a guy and a girl, but it wasn't some sappy love song, at least, not the kind of love song she usually heard on the radio. This was different. She wasn't sure why. 

What did they mean, _it's ok to cry_?

Helga shook her head, feeling the large drops on her face and hair that had been threatening to fall finally release their grip and sail to the wet grass beneath her. She was completely soaked, but it felt good. 

Helga loved the feeling of rain on her skin. She wished she were wearing her bathing suite, so that she could feel it better, but then the cold told her that wearing a bathing suite probably wouldn't have been wise at the moment.

Helga sat for a long time, simply letting her mind drift and losing herself in the feeling of the rain pouring over her, soaking through her hair, which was now pulled back in a ponytail instead of ridiculous pigtails on the sides of her head. 

She closed her eyes every now and then and envisioned herself somewhere else, somewhere far away. She was at a beach off the coast of some tropical island, the pure rain falling around her and vast oceans in front of her were a clear blue crystal, not like the salty waters of the beach near Hillwood. 

Then she was in a jungle, or perhaps a rainforest, surrounded by huge, magnificent trees of soft, radiant browns and greens, with giant leaves that canopied where she sat on a patch of soft moss. There were flowers twice the size of daises that glowed with rainbow colored tips, radiating a beauty she could not describe. 

She was lost in this heavenly place, and she wanted to stay there, but a small rumbled of thunder eased her mind back to reality, and she looked at her watch. 

_Crimeny!_ She thought, realizing that she'd been sitting there for two hours. 

With a regretful sigh, she stood from her comfortable swing and stretched slightly, as if she'd been sleeping there. She silently considered wringing out the bottom of her shirt because of the way it was hanging on her, completely soaked. But she decided against it, knowing it would just get wet again anyway as she turned and headed down the path that lead toward the road. 

She had no idea that there was someone not far behind her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~


	2. It's ok to Cry, Helga

A/N: Sorry for the long wait everybody (I have no good excuse, so I won't give one). Here's the end, and just to warn you, there is violence in this…

The rain was still pretty heavy as Helga walked along the sidewalk with her hands shoved in her pockets, still somewhat oblivious to the cold. She looked around, the street seemed to be deserted save for the one lone car that was slowly passing her and moving on. The street lamps caste an eerie glow, its orange light reflecting on each raindrop that sailed through its boundaries. 

It was very peaceful the way the rain drowned out the sounds of sirens and such that could usually be heard in the distance on a quiet night. But all she could hear was the rain and the soft padding of her own footsteps. 

So she never heard them coming.

Before she could react to the figure that had suddenly appeared next to her, Helga was knocked into a dark alleyway that she had conveniently been passing right at that moment. Convenient for them, anyway. 

She didn't lose her footing until someone ran into her again, knocking her down onto the wet cement that was lightly covered with mud and garbage. Before she could let out any manner of sound, she was grabbed from behind and felt a strong, calloused hand cover her mouth tightly. His other arm had wrapped around her waist, forcing her arms to her sides. 

She struggled with all her might, but it wasn't enough considering how exhausted she'd already been from being out in the rain for so many hours. She tried to wriggle free just enough to bite the hand that covered her mouth, but with no success. 

The other man who'd knocked her into the alley first was suddenly there next to her, she could see his dark shadow just inches away from her before she felt a cold hand snake under her t-shirt. 

With a sudden rage at being even that violated, Helga felt a surge of energy and jerked her head back, which released her mouth just enough that she was able to dig her teeth into that nasty hand viciously, despite the disgusting, unrecognizable taste. She heard him scream in pain, temporarily releasing his grip on her, and she bolted, trying to spit out the taste of blood in her mouth. 

But not too seconds after that, she tripped over something and fell once again to the concrete ground. This time she didn't even have time to react before she felt a sharp, pointed blow to the side of her stomach, and she flew back, flipping completely over onto her back. 

Before she could recoil from the blow, she felt another hard impact to her stomach. Only this time, it stayed there, and she realized she'd been pinned down by one of them. She let Old Betsy fly and felt a solid impact, but it wasn't enough because he immediately grabbed her hand, along with the other one, and held her arms by the wrist above her head against the cement, using only one of his hands. 

With complete horror in realizing her defeat, Helga also realized that this man had his other hand free to do whatever he pleased with. 

She heard the other man a couple feet away curse about her having bit his hand, but couldn't pay much attention to him, not that she wanted to anyway. 

The one on top of her smelled raunchy and she knew any minute she'd puke. She felt his cold hand once again fishing its way up her shirt, and she screamed, more out of wanting to be heard than out of fear, which earned her a backhanded smack across her face. 

She saw out of the corner of her eye that the other man had produced a knife, and muttered something like "Just try that again you..."

Helga's full terror settled in and she froze. She couldn't escape from this...

Suddenly she heard a loud, sharp thump, and the man on top of her flew backwards off of her and onto the ground. The stranger that had kicked him lunged foreword, not finished with him yet as he proceeded into a skilled fight, and, from what Helga could see, was beating the snot out of the man.

Before she could react, however, the one man that had remained in the shadows grabbed her, and she felt the cold steal of the knife against her throat. 

The stranger turned from the other man, who had just slumped to the ground in unconsciousness. When he saw that the man had Helga in that dangerous position, he froze. His mind raced for a plan, any plan, as the man told him not to move.

But that wasn't likely. 

In a flash of circular metal, a trashcan lid was sailing through the air like a Frisbee and struck the brick wall behind the man, bouncing off at just the right angle and knocking the man in the back of the head. 

Helga was able to slip to the ground out of his grasp before the knife could be used on her, and she recoiled against the brick wall as the man stumbled for a moment, then took off running. The stranger followed him out and down the street for a short ways until he slowed near a street lamp, knowing he wouldn't be able to catch the man on foot. 

Coming to a complete stop under the yellowing light of the street lamp, he removed the baseball cap from his football shaped head and wiped the rain and sweat from his forehead and eyes, panting heavily. After a few seconds of watching the other man disappear, he turned and headed back the way he came.

When he returned to the ally where the fight had taken place, he searched the darkness for the girl he'd seen exiting the park with those strangers trailing behind her. When he found her, she was curled into a ball against the cold brick wall, her eyes closed tightly. 

"Helga?" He spoke quietly and with question, kneeling beside her and taking her shoulders in his hands to turn her toward him. He saw the bruise on her cheek, the light traces of blood on her mouth that had been washed away by the rain. Her hair clung to the sides of her face, and she had bruises on her arms. 

"Arnold..." It was a small whisper, like a surprised gasp for breath, and in the same instant that she fell against him, he pulled her foreword into his arms with a light sigh, thanking God that she was alright. 

Helga buried her face into his shoulder as her body shuddered, releasing the tension that had been tightly held within, and her strength seemed to drain completely from her. Arnold rubbed one hand up and down her arm to try to calm her, but to no avail. She could not find it in herself to relax even in his arms.

He figured maybe she was ashamed that her bully persona had been shattered, revealing her weak side and that, despite her strong capabilities, she could not have fought her way out of this. He heard her breath catching in her throat, as if she was about to cry, but he could tell she wasn't. 

"It's ok to cry, Helga". He said softly, stroking her hair lightly. "No one's watching".

Helga felt her heart wrench. 

Arnold remembered that day too.

She released an almost choked sob now, and he felt her relax in his arms, crying. He smiled faintly, pulling her closer into the safety of his embrace and cradling her lightly, trying to transfer some of his own warmth to her very cold body. 

"Sshhh...it's ok. You're ok now". 

Arnold couldn't bear to think of what might have happened to her had he not been getting off the bus at that moment and seen those guys follow her down the street. He hadn't even known it was her for sure until he heard her scream. 

Arnold closed his eyes and held her a little tighter. He never would have forgiven himself if he had simply walked away from the bus stop and gone home without giving it another thought. It had just been a sixth sense, he supposed.

"I'm sorry, Arnold..." He heard Helga say in a wavering voice. 

"I know, Helga, I know. It's alright". He said, stroking her hair again. He knew what she meant, and not another word was spoken about it. She was totally forgiven. 

Carefully, Arnold released his hold on her, but not completely as he stood, bringing her to stand with him. She felt as though she could collapse at any moment if Arnold were to release her. In a swift motion, Arnold scooped her up in both arms and held her close against him as he carried her out of the alleyway and back into the rain, disappearing around the corner. 

And the sound of the rain's constant pattering was all that could be heard.

The End.


End file.
